Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
