nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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