I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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