That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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