There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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