So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The air taste purple.
Randomize