I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize