either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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