Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Text me some of your sweat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize