You work out of a Hotel?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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