she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize