Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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