I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
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He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
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I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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