He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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