I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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