I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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