Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize