My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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