I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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