college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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