Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize