Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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