his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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