I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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