I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize