My sheets look like a crime scene.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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