Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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