I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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