Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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