is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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