so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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