I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize