i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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