there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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