i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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