I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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