how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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