I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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