capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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