Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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