when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize