K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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