well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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