he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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