So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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