i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want a musical about memes.
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