Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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