In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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