he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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