I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize